2.5GHz Core i5 1TB (SSHD) 12GB (RAM).

Armageddon began last August, when I purchased what seemed to be a benign 21.5inch iMac. It turned out to be a sleeper agent from the 9th circle of hell. After it woke, it began to consume my soul. I tasted like naiveté and coffee.

The stronger the demon grew, the more I encountered errors and power failures. Even my bedside lamp blew, which I assume the demon orchestrated for dramatic effect.

I tried to vanquish it with reformats and garlic cloves, to no avail. Being no expert on infernal infiltrations, I took it to a hardware repair temple to be cleansed of its underworld elements.

They replaced the drive with a brand new 1TB SSHD last December, and declared it healed.

They were wrong.

The demon remained, immune to reformats and Mortein. It laughed at me. Its breath smelled like brimstone.

I took it to another Apple priest. The demon resumed its covert strategy while it was under assessment, ceasing hostile activity. No fault was detected. It was returned to me, and reopened its evil eyes and sulphurous intent.

I must have this axiom of evil out of my house. I’m running out of soul, strength, and coffee. Though unsuitable for the pure of heart, it may be of interest to brave hardware surgeons, exorcists, and partakers of the occult who find it difficult to find resources via conventional means.

It comes with no peripherals, as it drove them away with all the rest of its friends. It has retained its power cord, for a pronged tail.

If receiving by pick-up: Bring appropriate containment. I recommend a sealable crate constructed of varnished yew, blessed in three languages by Tibetan monks.

If receiving by courier: If no transit vehicles with a compartment made of the above material, request the driver be of the soulless variety. (This needn’t be difficult.) This is so when the beast breaches the inadequate containment, it has no rejuvenation close at hand. Also, so the driver has time to pull over and apply the handbrake before he dies.