Are you looking for a lifetime of financial burden? Look no further than my beloved student loan! This exquisite debt package comes with a charming backstory of late-night study sessions, instant noodles, and dreams of a brighter future (now slightly dimmed). Get ready to fall in love with a masterpiece of debt you won’t soon forget.

Benefits include:

• Guaranteed to make your bank account sweat.
• Perfect for those who enjoy the thrill of the occasional debt collection letter, married with the reward of weekly salary deductions.
• Includes a bonus package of sleepless nights, existential crises, AND
• Some super helpful budgeting advice from a stranger online (Hint: avocados will bankrupt you)

But wait, there’s more! Act now, and I’ll throw in a vintage calculator (batteries not included) and a half-used notebook filled with doodles of questionable artistic value.

Don’t miss out on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to own a piece of someone else’s financial entanglement! It’s time to embrace the joys of adulting with open arms and an empty wallet. Bid now and embark on your very own journey of economic regret.